PerfectionYeah I'm kinda in that position where people hate me cuz I'm finding it impossible to be unhappy. Every morning I wake up smiling, even thought it's too early and I don't want to get up. But I still love it.
After a really rocky failure year last year I have pulled maself back onto the straight and narrow, with the idea of "Am I going to get anywhere otherwise?". Well I figure NO! I have to stick this out. And if it carries on like this I will have no problem.
Nothing much has changed it's just sum stuff has made me realise how lucky I am to have everything that I have.
Even thought it should have been the worst day of my life yesterday, Mike was there which was all I needed! Let me explain, it was 8 years since my dad died yesterday and I was really upset, I did cry, but then I thought about how my life is now and howDad would want me to be happy. And yeah I am.
I am finally growing up, I don't care about all the stuff I used to. Last year I really didn't like how my life was, the only thing keeping me goign each and everyday was the fact that I had sum1. I decided that I didn't want to do College it was too hard, I wanted to sit and talk all day with friends. Yeah it was fun and yeah I did love it, but looking back I have changed. I can't talk to them in the same way I used to mainly beacause I'm not interested in getting blind drunk and blowing chunks everywhere. Sorry if I have lost that "fun gene".
I love spending time with ma mum. After the events of last year, I can now see how I did hurt her. All she wanted was the best for me and I went "off the rails" (it wasn't extreem but still, she hated the way I was) and now we can laugh together and she wants to be more involved in what I get up to. But the good point is that she's not stepping on my toes. I'm sure she knows how much I care about her, she's my mum, my dad and a best friend all in one.
The real test will be this weekend If I can survive Marks hassle and orders we know I am truly too happy. Ha! I should be fine, after all mum knows that he is getting to me and is out of order. He just won't listen to us.
It's all fine and dandy! And what has brought this spurt of happiness on you may ask? (well you may not give a toss but I am going to tell you)
Battle Royale!
Yeap the manga more than the films. Reading them I have to think what would I be like in that situation, who means the most to me that I would give my life to keep them safe? And that made me think about the people I love. The people who have cared about me no matter what and only want the best for me. They are the poeple I would give my life to save.
With the way I am and the way I look at life and death I always look upon life as fragile and death as absolute. So, why not take a hold of your fragile life before the absolute happens? Sure, I'm not rich, in fact I am running quite low on funding! (£5.05 to be exact) And I don't have everything material that I want (sure I would love a Mercades McLarren) but I have my life, love and a good family.
One last thing before I close this ramble. I heard about Richard Hamond this morning and I am absloutley gutted. I am a lil bit of a petrol head myself and love things that go fast. If I was given the oppourtunity I would have taken hold of my fragile life and done it. I admire people who have a job in doing what they love and never worry about any conciquences. I think it's just a matter of time before Hamster recovers and is back scrapping like kids in a school yard with Clarkson, after all they are perfect together all 3 of them. Recover well Hamster and hurry up and get back on with filming Top Gear.
Over and out, muchos love.
xxx
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Never give up..............
I know i wasn't always around and stuff last year but you could have always come and found me, i probably wasn't far away, skiving in the learning centre at college or something XD I'd have talked to you, we could have skived together
Personally i didn't think you were doing too bad last year at college, but that's mainly because i saw you working on the computer everytime i walked down to your graphics class, though i guess it doesn't mean you were actually doing work does it?
But anyways, enough of my rambling, like i said it's nice to see you happy
See ya round
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Kirei Na Hana (Yume No Chikara)
(i apologise to anyone who is japanese, or can write japanese if i got anything wrong in that just then
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"Enjoy life - have fun and find time to laugh each day!" - Websketcher
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