First of all sorry about the complete lack of anything. I have lost all my creative thought and now have a complete lack of ability to draw.

Just thought I would unload some of my thoughts on here.

First of all it's been almost two months being single. Three years in a relationship trying to make it work and I have nothing but bitterness to show for it. I'm fed up of being unhappy and lonely, dont get me wrong my friends are amazing and I love them all but still its just not the same.

He left me for someone who is good friends with, what seems to be, all of my friends. So yes fed up of being lonely!

I think I'm getting back on the horse and I just keep getting slapped down. How can men say one thing but act the complete opposite. Yeah were just friends right? Then stop messing with my head.

On a higher note, off to Download Festival this year. Well when I get round to booking the tickets.

Not much else really going on in this mess that is my life.

It's just the usual really, drinking too much (lol) and laughing too little.



Sorry to dump it all on people here I think I just need to voice it. Well I'm not even sure if you guys still read my stuff.

I promise I will get drawing again, now I have lots of spare time.



Cheers for listening. Love you all.

Sam xxx

Yeah so it's been a whie since I posted something. Having major trouble drawing or doing anything where art is concerned. It's a bummer. So what's new in my life? Well all ma hair is gone. I had it chopped off and dyed black and electric pink the other day. I got rid of ma contacts and am now in glasses. I quit college and start work full time in the bank on thursday.


Am just sat at Fat Wig's getting really annoyed at the fact that the CD's are shite and not burning. Well they are but randomly. God that pub owes me a lot. I am gunna get drawing again, but I just need to find the inspiration back. I'll get it soon. I hope.

Gunna get off anyway cuz I keep burning ma hand trying to type and smoke at the same time. Not good.

Oh also I learnt how to make B52's the other day. And my "friends" have turned into utter bitches. Nice


Wooo. Go booze!

Just got ma tinterweb bak. It's been off for the past few weeks. So yeah.....

I had an awesome Xmas. My first one with my baby! It was amazing. I love him! Not told you a lot about him really. Well he's insane, good friends with this guy <-- Scotty! (who btw is an amazing guy) He designed the tat on ma babys forearm (inside righ arm).

But yeah anyway hat an amazing holiday. Passed ma car theory test and just generally got pissed with Fat Wig and Scotty! Caught up with an old friend or 2 and just had a blinder of a week. My mum is 40 2morrow so that's another reason to go out and get drunk. I'll probably end up passing out at his. YAY!

My mum officially knows I smoke now. Woooo, so no more having to hide it. Only she dont no about my tat. Oh yeah I got ma first bit of ink done the other week. It's amazing I love it. I'll get a foto of it up in a sec. It din really hurt, I got it in memory of ma dad cuz this is like ma 8th xmas without him. It's hard but we get thru it. I'll probably go up to the graveyard and see him 2morro as I din get chance yesterday.

So life is good I have an amazing guy who love me to bits and not even my "best friends" can piss on that. Oh yeah she has put bets on with another person saying that me and him aint gunna make it to Feb. In his exact words "let's prove em wrong!"

After almost 2 months it's starting to click that he loves me. I no he tells me enough but those of you who know me know what i'm like.

Well happy holidays everyone, hope yours was as good as mine!

Oh and can any avid bleach fan tell me wot ep number we are up to? I can't remeber what I have seen! ta!

Love you all guys!

xXx

Erm yeah well wot to say. It's been aaaaaages! Right where to start. Okay me and Mike broke up the other day. Gutted I no, but it really was for the best in the long run. I no he'll never think that.

I hurt him bad doing it but I had to.

And not to sound cheery but the reason I did it was for another guy. He's immense! I love him. Yeah I know, but my love for Mike died a while ago.

So yeah bombing thru college, got a nu bloke, erm oh and having an awesome time in the newly owned pub. The guys are fucking awesome.

Got some Bleach fan art on it's way so I'm off to do that.

Catch ya round guys.

Shizzle ma Nizzle mo fo!

over and out

xxx

Well could m life possible be any more perfect if I won the lottery? NOPE! It's kinda...well......AWESOME! It's at that stage where people hate me. Yeah a lot of my friends are going thru a rough time. College has just started bak up, meaning their social lives have taken a turn for the worst, and now they are all upset that they have to spend time at college doing useful suff.

Yeah I'm kinda in that position where people hate me cuz I'm finding it impossible to be unhappy. Every morning I wake up smiling, even thought it's too early and I don't want to get up. But I still love it.

After a really rocky failure year last year I have pulled maself back onto the straight and narrow, with the idea of "Am I going to get anywhere otherwise?". Well I figure NO! I have to stick this out. And if it carries on like this I will have no problem.

Nothing much has changed it's just sum stuff has made me realise how lucky I am to have everything that I have.

Even thought it should have been the worst day of my life yesterday, Mike was there which was all I needed! Let me explain, it was 8 years since my dad died yesterday and I was really upset, I did cry, but then I thought about how my life is now and howDad would want me to be happy. And yeah I am.

I am finally growing up, I don't care about all the stuff I used to. Last year I really didn't like how my life was, the only thing keeping me goign each and everyday was the fact that I had sum1. I decided that I didn't want to do College it was too hard, I wanted to sit and talk all day with friends. Yeah it was fun and yeah I did love it, but looking back I have changed. I can't talk to them in the same way I used to mainly beacause I'm not interested in getting blind drunk and blowing chunks everywhere. Sorry if I have lost that "fun gene".

I love spending time with ma mum. After the events of last year, I can now see how I did hurt her. All she wanted was the best for me and I went "off the rails" (it wasn't extreem but still, she hated the way I was) and now we can laugh together and she wants to be more involved in what I get up to. But the good point is that she's not stepping on my toes. I'm sure she knows how much I care about her, she's my mum, my dad and a best friend all in one.

The real test will be this weekend If I can survive Marks hassle and orders we know I am truly too happy. Ha! I should be fine, after all mum knows that he is getting to me and is out of order. He just won't listen to us.

It's all fine and dandy! And what has brought this spurt of happiness on you may ask? (well you may not give a toss but I am going to tell you)



Battle Royale!


Yeap the manga more than the films. Reading them I have to think what would I be like in that situation, who means the most to me that I would give my life to keep them safe? And that made me think about the people I love. The people who have cared about me no matter what and only want the best for me. They are the poeple I would give my life to save.

With the way I am and the way I look at life and death I always look upon life as fragile and death as absolute. So, why not take a hold of your fragile life before the absolute happens? Sure, I'm not rich, in fact I am running quite low on funding! (£5.05 to be exact) And I don't have everything material that I want (sure I would love a Mercades McLarren) but I have my life, love and a good family.






One last thing before I close this ramble. I heard about Richard Hamond this morning and I am absloutley gutted. I am a lil bit of a petrol head myself and love things that go fast. If I was given the oppourtunity I would have taken hold of my fragile life and done it. I admire people who have a job in doing what they love and never worry about any conciquences. I think it's just a matter of time before Hamster recovers and is back scrapping like kids in a school yard with Clarkson, after all they are perfect together all 3 of them. Recover well Hamster and hurry up and get back on with filming Top Gear.




Over and out, muchos love.

xxx







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